Sometimes, your girlfriend comes out of the bathroom waving a wet pregnancy stick and shouting. Shouting that for someone who sucks at thrusting you very much suck at pulling out too.
Finally had a moment to sit down with this. This tone of this story reminds me of the movie, "Falling Down" (which I love btw). The farther I read, the sadder I felt. Which I think is the point, so good job.
Question--the funeral, Was it the narrator's daughter who died?
I love, "Sometimes you watch the TV screen watching you. Even switched off your reflection on the screen can keep you company." Just gosh, you know? Great specificity in this detail. Personal. Unique, yet, I bet I'm not the only one who has noticed my reflection in the tv screen.
I like the way you put sentences together. You can just feel emotion in every line. The repetition/chorus of "sometimes..." works well for this story.
And the the last four lines are a Perfect way to end.
Sometimes
Cheers, Tony. I mean it ain’t as good as “Pity Tip” but getting there. ☺️
Ben (do you mind Ben? Do you prefer Benjamin?),
Finally had a moment to sit down with this. This tone of this story reminds me of the movie, "Falling Down" (which I love btw). The farther I read, the sadder I felt. Which I think is the point, so good job.
Question--the funeral, Was it the narrator's daughter who died?
I love, "Sometimes you watch the TV screen watching you. Even switched off your reflection on the screen can keep you company." Just gosh, you know? Great specificity in this detail. Personal. Unique, yet, I bet I'm not the only one who has noticed my reflection in the tv screen.
I like the way you put sentences together. You can just feel emotion in every line. The repetition/chorus of "sometimes..." works well for this story.
And the the last four lines are a Perfect way to end.
Keep it up!