Cheers, Tony. I mean it ain’t as good as “Pity Tip” but getting there. ☺️

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Ben (do you mind Ben? Do you prefer Benjamin?),

Finally had a moment to sit down with this. This tone of this story reminds me of the movie, "Falling Down" (which I love btw). The farther I read, the sadder I felt. Which I think is the point, so good job.

Question--the funeral, Was it the narrator's daughter who died?

I love, "Sometimes you watch the TV screen watching you. Even switched off your reflection on the screen can keep you company." Just gosh, you know? Great specificity in this detail. Personal. Unique, yet, I bet I'm not the only one who has noticed my reflection in the tv screen.

I like the way you put sentences together. You can just feel emotion in every line. The repetition/chorus of "sometimes..." works well for this story.

And the the last four lines are a Perfect way to end.

Keep it up!

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Hey Maegan, I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

A few months ago, Chuck posted a story called "Collector's Item" (https://chuckpalahniuk.substack.com/p/collectors-item). Where a tape gets rewinded and scenes goes backward. It was a constant hammering of "so", "so", "so" at every paragraph. I really liked the idea. Then I was listening to this song called "Sometimes" by Gerry Cinnamon, whom I adore, and it suddenly hit me that I could combine the two ideas together. Experimenting a bit. This story is what came out of it.

You're right about the funeral. My wife had the same question when she read the story for the first time. So I might tweak it to make it slightly clearer.

And yes, Ben, Benny, Benjamin, B or even "Hey, pal" they all work for me.

Thank you so much for your feedback. Really appreciated.

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